Back on Track

Ok i have so much to update

First of all

-Colorguard at foothill
it was all bad like everyone was helluh anal about it, the people who had a bad show knew what they were doing and the people who doesnt know shit had a good show, haha thats basically it shelton and i cheered and screamed and i jumped on him cause our guard tied for first for colorguard and we got second overall so we didnt do that bad but for championships i want first not a tie or not a second, and "girld who ditched" still pissed me off the whole show wasnt her fault alot of people messed up sierra even said something didnt feel right but shit dude RIPPLES ARNT HARD anyways yea i feel like im improving, but idk i felt like shit when someone makes fun of me i usually just take it and smile and see the humour in it but manny even thou he i think doesnt mean it got to me i just smiled and got quiet and idk i just got anal about shit. Oh well its was one of my ok shows but i got helluh emotional i got to see luke before which was nice and then i saw kevin and idk things were said we talked things out i feel like shit to this point idk like if a guy cant control his hormones and gets easily bored with other guys, what does my future have in store for me, well hopefully we can stay friends cause thats all i ask for.

-Boys
Ugh i swear im done with this at this point back to the vagina i just found out about this other guy luke about how he's a horn dog and how he cheated on a guy like ill talk to luke still and everything and i wont believe anything til i have facts so for now im going to have my guard up



-Today
I went to great mall around 12 to shop with kalin and karen as soon as soon as i walk in i was greeted by an employee but the diffrence was :D he wasnt all dark and stuff everyone was dressed up and his costume was a pilop backpack blue hair blue shorts and these nikes HE WAS SO FUCKING CUTE i believe his name was mikey cause i over heard his name being called out haha, asian and had 2 piercings gosh oh well anyways waiting for kalin and karen to get their costumes and we walked around today i got a new pair of shoes 2 glasses 3 shirts haha and other random crap :D karen and i saw a kid get in trouble for shop lifting haha thats all the excitement i need for today in my life. Walked them to papaya and i had to leave and go home thats about it

Tale

i tell my self...i dont care it doesnt matter
im ok im ok ill be fine

But im just lying to myself

Random

Mmm sitting here
my mom is stupid forgot my travel uniform =_=
anyways, right now i all i see is black and white and you know what? Enough words and its time for action, life keeps passively changing but now its time for me to change it myself. Its time to change but not a new change to become that one sane child i use to be not the animal ive become, the child with predictable actions not even a child but a man who is spontaneous who loves himself and if no one else loves him well then thats not his problem. Anyways.. No more black and white but its time to see primary and even secondary colors.
It took alot of contemplating but why hold ona nd regret things its decided yesterday is yesterday and all i can do is wait and be eager for tomorrow
So what does tomorrow have in store for me

Competition at foothill
i need to wake up at 5
i met a cool new person Daven
and well as for other things
im sorry kevin i really am im just not willing to get hurt again



I cant stop smiling because..from now on no more, no more of this animal

Anal

This is going to be one of my angrier blogs so be warned
Anyways what really pisses me off ok yes i made ella cry and it was wrong i took her pizza and i was like "do it" ok i fucking get it but people need to fucking drop shit and not get anal about shit that doesnt involve them, shannon =_= i swear i asked jeremy for money and she's like "oh he doesnt give money that make people cry" well you know fucking what he doesnt give money to bitches to make fun of chinese girls and tell them to be gay yea, one day after 7-11 shannon was like picking on theresa and shit and brittny told her to stop and shannon wouldnt, so honestly dont get on my fucking case and act perfect and shit i swear.
, so honestly bite me you always act like your right and shit i know i was wrong i talked to ella about so fucking get off my case and drop the whole thing, and this pisses me off in general yes i understand your a person friend and your there for them, but as a person you being like "get away from her" and stuff etc your making thiings more diffcult and dramatic then they need to be, after ella started to cry i hugged her bre was like go away i was like no, i honestly wanted to tell her to fuck off, latly ive been mad and mean and i just want to hurt people =_= but you know what im better than that, ANYWAYS yea after lunch i pull ella aside and we talked
WOW OH MY MOTHER FUCKING GOSH how god damn easy was that? i said sorry we talked about it, its easy as couting to 1 2 3 and dont get me wrong i know your trying to be there for her, but wtf =_= your making it more dramatic then it needs to be.
So really people need to stop being mellow dramatic and anal about shit
cause im literally at the point where i just want to call people and and cuss them out but idk thats not the mature way to handle things so obviously i wont


Whatever, at lunch it hurts...like you see breanna over there and you see kalin over there, what use to be a family from 8th grade with new people added everyone is everywhere...what ever happen to best friends forever and now everyone is just everywhere...and i really dont like it i wish i could go into the past for one day id sell my soul to go back to 8th grade even with the drama to see everyone's smle and take one last picture :\
well idk anymore i dont want to hang out with one group cause it'll feel like im leaving the other group idk im tired of trying to hold on to something that drifts away everyone is in their own world and im just trying to make us all on the same page. Whatever ...im not holding on anymore im letting go today i felt so weird. Sitting there by myself trying to recollect my thoughts. On the verge of tears buts thats how you grow, from the thing that hurts you. im honestly letting it go people change and no one will be close to each other how they use to be

Finished

It doesnt feel the same
im done
its done
im finished

Things

are semi looking up
Colorguard manny was like "oh jonathan is earning his spot back on the guard" so i guess all my hard work has paid off. "now we dont have to cut you" haha :D wow well i just need to keep it off. Breezy is getting alright i guess. Breanna Hasse like idk i feel really stupid now shes my bestfriend but seriously if your going to lie to my face like that. ok knowing breanna one would know breanna NEVER EVER has money on her so that day she didnt go to the independance competition i realized she went to the Halloween thing at great america i confronted her about it she was like my grand parents kicked me out so i believed her when she said they kicked her out and jeremy invited her to great america. NOW THE THING IS how ironic is that she gets sent home the day she want to go to great america i recall her talking about ditching to go. When she was sent home you know what? Manny saw her walking off all skipping and shit. Shelton helluh pointed it out to me, seriously dont try to fool me and if you get away with it and i catch you later of fuck your messing with the wrong dude.
She happen to get kicked out the day she wanted to go, she skips off all happy when she sent her. If she was sick she wouldnt show up to PSAT's
After our lecture on comittment she still doesnt commit. Some people took it to heart some didnt and all i want to do is make my instructors proud. we have 3 weeks left maybe even less and honestly. like sandy and them said if you commit guard is actually fun, and i look forward to practices now. Hopefully i can do winter cause for now it seems like im the only noobie doing it.
What else, school is getting better everything is just looking up
i let the whole kevin thing go, im letting everything go because whats the point of caring
there is 1 thing that bothers me Raymon Telebrico, you can tell he helluh hates me but its so stupid if your going to hold a grudge be my guest its really immature, you solve nothing your taking the easy way out and not trying to resolve shit, i tried to watch his back and in return he hates me, i understand "who asked me to even watch his back" oh well who cares he can go hide in his corner he only hates me cause aj and them hate me, they formed a whole group aj ella angelo and raymon its ok, i could play the same game i can play the same game i choose not to. I grown up alot and im really proud but i still got a long way.


Good Job jonathan Goo Job

Thin Wire

Today deserves a blog
Super hard i tried to stay awake but i was so tired i tried to stay awake but all my energy was drained from the night before. I need to stop the pity party like i just feel sorry for myself
this is my last time to let it all out and then i basically just need to let it go
1.im sorry A i became what i hated a person with no time for someone who they care about taking homecoming and guard was my downfall and i didnt have time for you, you fell for someone else and i became anal about it, which isnt right
2.im sorry K i guess i wasnt good enough, i helluh tripped about it but you know what? your single you can do whatever and whoever you want i just need to accept that.

im over it everything makes you stronger and i learned that you can never be to strong.
Everything is my fault but im not going to play the victim card, i want to say everything is my fault because i want to learn from my mistakes
I've changed so much all the people i met and talked to formed me into this sarcastic asshole whos mean to people who thinks its funny but you know what? its not right i really just need to change, not change but become who i use to be
Jonathan Pham

Love love love

I feel it clawing my hear and chest and basically im just going to accept
shit happens you cant trust anyone you get screwed over and people come and go in your life and you know what? im fine with that it happen so many times that im practically use to it.Oh well life is life and on the upside im alive and im breathing.

Today aids walk with kevin was fun he got to meet and hang out with my parents
which made me happy i couldnt go hiking so we took him home.
i went to aunt jenny's house cause my grandma wasnt home
played Warcraft and Brawl then i come back home and my friend tells me something about kevin ugh it hurt so bad, once again im screwed over but you know what thats ok its life and im over it, i just need to isolate myself and heal, i sew the pain i endure shut and get right back up before its fully healeed
this past week i manage to figure out what i wanted in life and i did and in the end it bit me in the ass.
Ill never hold anything that happens to me against anyone
i understand that its my own fault and i just need to learn from my mistakes

Everything is alright
Smile through the pain and you'll make it

Screwed

Once again screwed over
im tired of this bullshit
im so use to it
but its ok might as well pick yourself
back up and move on

Settle

So monday
breanna raymon karen i and aj
settling everything
idk breanna blaming everything on me annoys me
all i did was point shit out that was helluh obvious but not noticed til pointed out
so im so sorry if like to observe my surroundings oh well, maybe people can change maybe they dont

Decison

I decided to blog else where, because live journal piss the hell out of me
Anyways, so much happened this week my grades are dropping but im working so hard to raise them such a pain in the ass, so i finally got my shit straight and it was pretty simply a little advice and a push in the right direction, Thank you Kalin Karen and Daniel. I honestly realize everything is simple as 1 2 3 it's just taking the action and sitting there overthinking and contemplating over small shit. Anyways moving on ahh i feel like i earned my place at wilcox, like idk it just whats gives me my confidence and my cocky aditude but i just love like knowing everyone! :D idk its not being popular or shit but i just love knowing everyone haha im weird. So lets see what kinda bullshit is going on nowdays, Kalin told me me whats his face was talking shit about me and breanna, breanna mostly its kinda stupid yea were human and we all talk shit, but honestly he's just mad cause breanna and i are being cautious of our friend RT because we care about him mucho and we dont want him to get hurt at all, we dont want what happened to our other friend JC and obviously after the oral sex they drifted apart and broke up haha to dramatic for sophmores i swear its pretty stupid, i just love how i point things out that are so obvious but arnt noticeable til pointed out, so honestly today was a good day the shit talker was depressed and my cocky self fed off hiis negative energy buwahahah :] w/e i dont give a shit as a friend you give your other friend a warning and its up to them to take it or not but it always ends up as "OMG YOU WERE SO RIGHT I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED" thats the satisfaction i need ha. Anyways im doing better in guard at least Quang hates me thats nice to know more reason why to prove everyone wrong :]. Im honestly sorry if my brain farts are REALLY bad but i dont really idk whats wrong with me anyways Competiton at indie tomorrow NIGHT