Betrayal

ok GOOD WAY TO START 09
im just sick of immature people and immature shit

ugh Jodie Hang
i thought she was my best friend 3 years of just like closeness and then i have to admit there were times when we didnt talk that was my fault because i got caught up with other things and never had time for her and she got closer to merick. I know its immature of me to get mad because its just a myspace top friends but secretly it had meaning its like a number to you in the persons life. jodie and i were number 1 on each others for so long and then at one pooint she got a boyfriend named elvis and moved me down but she was like oh no no elvis moved you down i was like whatever and i was a good friend and was there for her when they broke up. And then we made a promise to be best friends forever always number one, and i put that girl in front of everybody else in my life and at some point i chose her over other people even if it wasnt the best desicion but i loved that girl with my heart. So today she tells me how her and merick are like talking or dating or some shit im like ok ok cool cool
and then she said oh merick moved you down from my top im like wow you think im that stupid you can say that about elvis but the same excuse for Merick to. OK im so aware its just a myspace top but the fact is she lied to me and broke our promise and she doesnt get the point she thinks its over the top but it elevated into breaking her promise that meant alot to me and betraying me and lying to me. I talked to my cousin lena who is really close to jodie to. Jodie is the best person out there and she has a good heart but she just lies alot and comes off as fake i feel bad cause im kinda talking shit about her but whatever i call it as i see it. It just pisses me off i put myself in her shoes because we use to go out and ok ok i flirted with her because we're good friends we have that bond so kissing her at winterball and mk's party i admit that was wrong of me because she got the wrong impression and thought i wanted to get back with her but not once did she ever confront me or tell me about how she felt so i kept acting the way i did because thats who i am. And then in the end all she says is that we need a break and thats bullshit she knows it because we were super close friends and some point we didnt talk because i was busy and its like wow wtf isnt that a break already =_= i went to your fucking winterball to spend time with you. whatever Blocked and deleted is the best way to handle the situation after you confronted it. She needs to put herself in my shoes how would she feel if all the sudden i replace her on my top.
ok im immature for tripping over a top but thats how it started and it elevated into lying and it pissed me off.


It makes me think
i started to think that everyone deserves a chance to be trusted until given a reason not to, but now im thinking No one deserves to be trusted until they give me a reason not to. Thats the way i think now, it just sucks the person you loved so much the person you trusted so much ugh kasjfaffkjfs ok having a guy screw me over no problem im still alive and same way with your best friend ill still survive dont get me wrong it just sucks we had that bond, but whatever shes taking something good for granted i was always there for her even after as a boyfriend lets see what happens with merick like every other person who chose their relationships over me she'll come back and i wont be there.

Focusing on school and trying to better myself following everyone's advice and im pretty happy with my life minus the whole jodie thing no boys to stress or worry about i finally feel like i found the balance in my life, but at times i just get random emotions im still angry at jordan i didnt get the closure but he's an ass hole for sure and he wasted my time. i wish i could talk to josh and i did but what good did that do so i give up you can be friends with everyone :\ thats my fault i pushed away someone who cared for me so much, i was afraid of just opening up to him again and then BAM, but i guess i did push him to far.
With William ugh so irratated i tried talking to him and he texts me saying oh sorry my friend just died, and then me and david were talking i mentioned what happen with william and he was like no wtf william said his friend moved, and idk william i trusted him to and right there he either lied to me and david, but the thing is he keeps having people he has in his life die so i dont know weither to belive him or not, but he is also dishonest, always wining about his love life or bitching to me about his friend ynez i see why we dont talk anymore because im just annoyed.

I really dont want anyone close to me anymore im just done i seriously have no close friends just like kalin said we have no friends just acquaintances, and who we call friends theres no point we all use and screw each other over in the end, and thats what we are, we're just tools to each other to vent to each other to talk to one another by giving us something to do.


My mom's bf well my dad now
taught my something new, in life im taking it into consideration
We as an individual have wants and we have needs we just need to figure what goes where and having people in my life is basically a want. I feel so alone now :\ its a feeling ill get use to people say they're there for me but i wish they were just a hug away

Back to school back to homework back to me
Because thats what i need
Me <3


but ...
ugh i feel like an idiot
im fucking 15 i have my whole life ahead of me
:\ i miss LC so much it tears me apart and eats me away each i happen to stumble upon his sn or dl i just have a instant flashback of a random memory positive or even negative. And its jsut weird now he met alex and now he met louis and everyone else its just ... :\
i had my closure i should be done, but i still feel lost and jumbled because maybe my naive self fell so hard and fall out so 100x harder
mm..